Counting the Cost Summary: An In-Depth Book Review and Analysis

Introduction to Counting the Cost Summary and Review
Have you ever wondered what lies behind the curated smile of a reality TV star, especially one from a family that presented itself as a paragon of faith?
Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar, Derick Dillard, and Craig Borlase is one such story—a raw, courageous, and meticulously detailed account that is far more than a celebrity tell-all.
It’s a case study in spiritual abuse, financial exploitation, and the painful, rewarding journey toward personal autonomy. Having followed the Duggar family’s public story for years, I decided to read this book to understand the human cost of their fame.
What I found was a narrative that transcends one family, offering vital lessons for anyone who has ever struggled to find their voice within a rigid system.
Let’s dive into the insights, lessons, and profound analysis within these pages.
TL;DR: Quick Summary
📘 Core Idea: A memoir exposing the intense control and exploitation Jill Duggar experienced under the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) and the family’s reality TV empire, culminating in her fight for financial, emotional, and spiritual freedom.
💡 Key Insights: The “Umbrella of Protection” doctrine was a tool for fear-based control; reality TV was a lucrative business disguised as a “ministry”; breaking free from authoritarian systems requires professional therapy and firm boundaries.
🎯 Themes: Spiritual Abuse, Authoritarian Control, Financial Exploitation, Reality TV Ethics, Family Estrangement, Personal Autonomy, Healing from Trauma.
⭐ Recommendation & Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐✰ (4.5/5). An essential, brave, and well-documented account. Highly recommended for those interested in deconstruction, reality TV ethics, or personal resilience stories.
👥 Target Audience: Survivors of high-control religions, fans of the Duggars seeking the untold story, individuals interested in media ethics, and anyone on a journey of setting healthy boundaries.
✍️ Tone & Writing Style: Reflective, analytical, and deeply personal. The tone balances raw emotion with a methodical presentation of facts, particularly regarding financial and legal conflicts.
⚖️ Pros & Cons:
Pros: Incredibly brave and transparent; provides concrete evidence of exploitation; destigmatizes therapy; offers hope and a framework for healing.
Cons: The dense financial/legal details can occasionally slow the narrative pace; the perspective is solely Jill and Derick’s (which is the point, but readers should be aware).
👤 About the Authors: Jill Duggar Dillard is a reality TV alum and mom; Derick Dillard is a former accountant and current attorney; Craig Borlase is a professional collaborator who helped shape the narrative.
Book Details
Publisher: Gallery Books
Publication Date: September 12, 2023
Language: English
Print Length: 288 pages
ISBN-10: 1668024446
ISBN-13: 978-1668024447
Grab Your Copy Now
Ready to witness a profound journey of courage and truth? Dive into the full story of Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar and Derick Dillard to understand the real price of a picture-perfect life.

What Readers Are Saying?
“As a former IBLP kid, this book put words to feelings I’ve had for years. Jill’s description of the ‘Umbrella of Protection’ and the constant fear of stepping out was my exact experience. It’s validating to see someone with a platform tell this truth.”
“I went in expecting gossip, but found a deeply moving story about a woman finding herself. The financial exploitation was shocking, but her journey in therapy and setting boundaries was the real takeaway for me.”
“The part where Derick asks if they’re ‘slaves’ hit me like a ton of bricks. It reframed the entire Duggar narrative for me. This isn’t a spat; it’s a liberation story.”
✍️ A Relevant Summary You’ll Love:
“I appreciated that she didn’t vilify her entire childhood. She speaks fondly of her siblings and some family memories, which makes the painful parts even more poignant and complex.”
“The raw honesty about her second birth and the medical trauma, all while being pressured for photos, was heartbreaking. It showed the human cost of maintaining a brand.”
“As a law student, Derick’s meticulous unraveling of the financial deception was fascinating. It’s a masterclass in why you always read what you sign.”
The One-Paragraph Summary
For those short on time, Counting the Cost is Jill Duggar Dillard’s memoir detailing her life under the strict teachings of the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), her time as an unpaid participant in the family’s reality shows, and her subsequent break from that system.
The book reveals the profound financial and emotional control exerted by her father, Jim Bob, and chronicles her and her husband Derick’s fight for transparency, compensation, and, ultimately, the freedom to live an authentic life guided by their own convictions, not fear.

Table of Contents
Dedication
Prologue: The Sled
Chapter One: Sweet Jilly Muffin
Chapter Two: “A Window of Opportunity that God has Given Us” (and other half-truths)
Chapter Three: Clipped Wings and Hills to Die On
Chapter Four: Costs
Chapter Five: Tearing Apart
Chapter Six: No Agreement
Chapter Seven: Dying. Inside and Out
Chapter Eight: Pushed Aside
Chapter Nine: Real. Not Fake
Epilogue: A Photo
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Main Questions the Book Answers
What was the primary psychological control mechanism in Jill’s upbringing?
The IBLP’s “Umbrella of Protection” doctrine, which taught that disobedience to parental authority would result in leaving God’s spiritual covering and inviting harm.How were the Duggar children compensated for their work on the reality shows?
For years, they were not paid at all, serving as “volunteers” while their parents’ company, Mad Family Inc., collected all network payments.What was the pivotal moment that made Derick Dillard realize the extent of their exploitation?
When he recognized the immense, unpaid time commitment for filming and the lack of control over their own life events, leading him to ask if they were “slaves.”Why did Jill agree to the emotionally difficult Megyn Kelly interview in 2015?
She felt immense pressure to prove her “love and loyalty” to her parents and to help save the family’s show after the abuse scandal broke.How did Jim Bob Duggar justify the lack of financial transparency to his adult children?
He framed the show as a “ministry,” claimed he was doing it “for you kids,” and later presented compensation as a generous “gift” with binding strings attached.What crucial legal document did Jill sign without full understanding?
A multi-year contract with Mad Family Inc. presented as routine payroll paperwork the day before her wedding rehearsal.What therapeutic frameworks were most helpful for Jill’s healing?
The concepts of “attunement” for marital connection and the “target” exercise for visualizing and establishing relational boundaries.What was the ultimate outcome of Jill and Derick’s financial dispute with Jim Bob?
They pursued legal action and settled for $175,000 to cover back taxes, legal fees, and a buyout of Jill’s shares in the family company.How does Jill’s faith differ after leaving the IBLP system?
She moved from a faith based on fear and adherence to man-made rules to one based on personal study, conviction, and a relationship with God free from authoritarian control.What does Jill conclude was the ultimate “cost,” and was it worth it?
The cost was familial estrangement and public scrutiny, but it was worth it for the freedom from guilt and fear, and the ability to think for herself.

General Counting the Cost Summary & Chapters Breakdown
This Counting the Cost summary delves into the heart of Jill Duggar Dillard’s powerful memoir. The book is a structured, chronological journey from indoctrination to independence, meticulously documenting the mechanisms of control and the painstaking process of breaking free.
The narrative is built on a foundation of life under the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP). Jill describes her childhood as “Sweet Jilly Muffin,” the ultimate approval hunter, striving to perfectly adhere to a system that governed everything from music (drums were forbidden) and dress (modesty standards to avoid “defrauding” men) to entertainment (dancing was sinful).
✍️ A Relevant Summary You’ll Love:
The most potent control mechanism was the “Umbrella of Protection,” a doctrine teaching that children remained under parental authority indefinitely. Disobedience meant stepping out from this spiritual protection, inviting God’s judgment—a brutally effective tool for instilling fear.
The family’s entry into reality TV, framed by Jim Bob as a “window of opportunity” and a “ministry,” added a new layer of complexity. Jill initially believed the show was a divine calling, but soon realized that for the network, they were a “vehicle for profit.”
She and her siblings were treated as unpaid “volunteers,” expected to drop everything for filming, often faking moments for content, all while Jim Bob’s company, Mad Family Inc., profited.
Jill’s courtship and marriage to Derick Dillard became a turning point. Derick, an outsider from a conventional background, immediately recognized the exploitation.
His now-famous question—“So we’re basically slaves of TLC and your dad. Is that how it is?!”—articulated the reality Jill had been conditioned to accept. The conflict escalated over control of their lives, from pregnancy announcements to their desire to do mission work.
The 2015 public leak of a juvenile abuse report concerning her brother Josh was a profound secondary trauma for Jill. The family’s response—prioritizing the show’s survival—led to Jill and her sister Jessa doing a high-profile interview with Megyn Kelly, a decision that magnified her pain.
This event, coupled with the escalating financial disputes, pushed Jill and Derick to demand transparency.
The core of the financial conflict revolved around a contract Jill signed without reading on the eve of her wedding. For years, Jim Bob obfuscated, claiming the show was a ministry.
He eventually offered the adult children a one-time “gift” of $80,000, which came with strings attached: a lifelong commitment to film for Mad Family Inc. When Jill and Derick refused to sign, the relationship fractured.
Through their own investigation, they discovered that Jill’s tax returns showed over $130,000 more in declared income than she had ever received.
After obtaining the full contract, they learned Mad Family Inc. earned between $50,000 and $73,000 per episode, totaling an estimated $8 million, none of which was shared with the children who were the show’s stars.
The final section of the book details their journey to healing. Through therapy with Ray McIntosh, Jill learned concepts like “attunement” for her marriage and the “target” exercise for setting boundaries.
She began intentionally breaking IBLP rules, wearing pants, getting a nose piercing, and sending her son to public school—acts of autonomy that were met with condemnation.
The story concludes with the dual reckonings of Josh Duggar’s federal trial and the dismissal of the sisters’ civil lawsuit, leaving Jill with the clear-eyed realization that despite the immense cost, her freedom, self-respect, and dignity were worth the fight.
Counting the Cost Summary Chapter-by-Chapter
Prologue: The Sled
A snapshot of life under courtship rules, illustrating the intense supervision and control, even during a simple sledding date with Derick. It sets the stage for Jill’s initial acceptance of this system and foreshadows her future awakening.
Chapter One: Sweet Jilly Muffin
Establishes the extreme regulatory environment of Jill’s childhood under IBLP. She describes her role as the compliant, modest “Sweet Jilly Muffin” and details the specific rules against dancing, certain music, and “immodest” clothing, all enforced by the fear of the “Umbrella of Protection.”
Chapter Two: “A Window of Opportunity that God has Given Us”
Details the family’s entry into reality TV after Jim Bob’s political run. It contrasts the public narrative of a “ministry” with the private reality of secrets and control, introducing how the show became a tool for maintaining a perfect image.
Chapter Three: Clipped Wings and Hills to Die On
Explores the increasing strain of filming and the IBLP doctrine of extended parental authority. It covers the discouragement of college (“clipped wings”) and the conflict between Jill’s personal desires (courtship, missions) and the network’s demand for content, exemplified by her choreographed first meeting with Derick.
Chapter Four: Costs
A pivotal chapter revealing the initial personal costs of the show: the intrusion on her wisdom teeth surgery and the control over her pregnancy announcements. It culminates in Jill signing the fateful contract without reading it and Derick’s realization of their “slave”-like status.
✍️ A Relevant Summary You’ll Love:
Chapter Five: Tearing Apart
Covers the traumatic leak of the abuse report and the pressure to do the Megyn Kelly interview. It then follows Jill and Derick to El Salvador for mission work, which is constantly undermined by Jim Bob’s demands for them to return for filming, leading to Derick’s first request for compensation.
Chapter Six: No Agreement
The conflict intensifies as Jim Bob offers the $80,000 “gift” with a punitive attached agreement. Jill and Derick refuse to sign, leading to Jim Bob’s threats of litigation and emotional manipulation, forcing them to hire an attorney.
Chapter Seven: Dying. Inside and Out
Details the extreme emotional and physical toll of their estrangement, including Jill’s near-fatal childbirth with her second son, Samuel. It shows the show’s cold intrusion even during this medical crisis and marks the beginning of Jill’s conscious choices for autonomy.
Chapter Eight: Pushed Aside
Uncovers the full extent of the financial deception through tax records and Jim Bob’s shocking email listing the “costs” of raising Jill. A disastrous mediated family meeting leads Jill and Derick to seek professional therapy with Ray McIntosh.
Chapter Nine: Real. Not Fake
Focuses on recovery and authenticity. Jill breaks IBLP rules by wearing pants and getting a nose piercing, causing further discord. The chapter concludes with Josh’s arrest and trial, the dismissal of the civil lawsuit, and Jill’s reflection on her hard-won freedom.
Epilogue: A Photo
Reflects on the fragile, ongoing process of navigating family relationships with firm boundaries. It concludes with a symbolic meeting with her parents in her own home, establishing a new, limited dynamic centered on their role as grandparents.
Detailed Counting the Cost Book Analysis
Key Concepts & Frameworks
Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP): The high-demand, fundamentalist Christian organization whose teachings dictated every aspect of the Duggars’ lives, from dress and entertainment to family structure and authority.
The Umbrella of Protection: The core IBLP doctrine that taught children remain under the spiritual and practical authority of their parents. Disobedience was framed as a spiritually dangerous act that would lead to harm.
Defrauding: A term used to police female modesty, placing the burden of male “purity” on women by accusing them of stirring up sinful thoughts in men through their clothing or behavior.
Ministry vs. Profit: The central dichotomy Jim Bob used to justify the show. It was publicly a “ministry,” but privately a lucrative business for his company, Mad Family Inc., used to obscure the financial exploitation of the children.
Attunement: A therapeutic concept Jill and Derick learned to describe deep, empathetic communication and connection within their marriage, crucial for surviving external pressure.
The “Target” Exercise: A boundary-setting tool that uses concentric circles to help individuals prioritize their most trusted relationships (inner circle) and demote draining or toxic ones (outer circles).
Themes, Lessons & Takeaways
| Theme | Actionable Lesson | Cultural Insight |
|---|---|---|
| Authoritarian Control | Establish your “hills to die on.” Identify non-negotiable boundaries for your well-being and hold them, even in the face of guilt. | High-control systems often use spiritual language to enforce compliance, making dissent feel like a sin. |
| Financial Exploitation | Always read contracts and seek independent advice, especially when dealing with family or trusted figures. | The lack of regulation for child reality stars allows for systemic financial abuse within family businesses. |
| Spiritual Abuse | Cultivate a personal faith based on your own study and conviction, not fear-based rules imposed by others. | The journey of deconstruction and rebuilding one’s faith is a common and valid path for survivors. |
| Therapy & Healing | Seek professional help to process trauma. A good therapist provides validation and practical tools that friends and family cannot. | Destigmatizing therapy is essential, especially in communities that view it as a sign of weak faith. |
| Reality TV Ethics | Be a critical consumer of media. Remember that “reality” is curated, and the human cost of entertainment is often hidden. | The public’s appetite for “wholesome” content can inadvertently empower and fund exploitative systems. |
Writing Style & Readability
The writing style of Counting the Cost is reflective, analytical, and deeply personal.
Jill’s voice is central—vulnerable yet resolute. The tone avoids sensationalism, instead opting for a methodical, almost forensic presentation of facts, particularly in the financial and legal sections, which lends immense credibility.
Derick’s influence is palpable in these precise, detail-oriented passages. The structure is logical and chronological, allowing the reader to experience Jill’s awakening in real-time.
The pacing is effective, with moments of high emotion (the leak, the birth trauma) balanced with necessary explanations of IBLP doctrine and contract law.
It is highly readable, successfully translating complex personal and legal trauma into a compelling narrative.
Critical & Comparative Analysis
Argument Strength & Originality: The book’s argument is powerfully strong, built not on hearsay but on documented evidence: specific financial discrepancies, verbatim email exchanges, and the concrete terms of the Mad Family Inc. contract.
This moves it from the realm of opinion into the realm of documented testimony.
Its originality lies in its unprecedented insider’s view of the business mechanics of a mega-hit reality show and its fusion with the critique of a specific, influential fundamentalist movement.
Comparative Analysis: Counting the Cost sits at a unique crossroads. It can be compared to:
Educated by Tara Westover: Both are memoirs about escaping an insular, controlled family system and forging an independent identity through education and self-trust.
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy: Both expose the exploitation of child performers in the entertainment industry by controlling parental figures.
The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire: While focused on marriage, it similarly critiques harmful teachings within evangelicalism and advocates for a healthier, evidence-based approach.
Leaving the Witness by Amber Scorah: A memoir about exiting a high-control religious group (Jehovah’s Witnesses), sharing themes of losing community and building a new life.
Any investigative work on the IBLP (e.g., documentaries): It serves as a primary source, adding a personal, emotional dimension to the institutional critiques presented in these works.
Evaluation: The book’s primary strength is its courageous transparency and its value as a resource for survivors. A minor weakness is that the dense financial data, while crucial, can momentarily pull the reader out of the emotional narrative. However, this is a small price to pay for the credibility it establishes.
10 Life Lessons From Counting the Cost Book
Your Voice Matters. Finding and using your voice, even when it shakes, is essential for dignity and self-respect.
Boundaries are an Act of Love. Setting firm boundaries is not a rejection of love but a necessary condition for healthy relationships.
Trust, But Verify. Blind trust, even in family, can lead to exploitation. Always verify financial and legal matters independently.
Healing is Not Linear. Professional therapy provides the tools, but the work of processing trauma is ongoing and requires patience.
Faith and Fear are Not the Same. A belief system rooted in control and fear is not the same as a faith built on love, grace, and personal conviction.
Leave and Cleave is Healthy. Prioritizing your marital partnership and immediate family unit is a biblical and psychologically sound principle.
Financial Transparency is Non-Negotiable. In any joint venture, especially family businesses, clear financial agreements are vital.
Your Body, Your Choice. Autonomy over one’s own body, from clothing to medical decisions, is a fundamental right.
Perfection is a Prison. The pursuit of a perfect public image often requires hiding pain and enabling dysfunction.
Freedom is Worth the Cost. While the price of freedom can be high—estrangement, criticism, loss—the ability to live authentically is priceless.
My Personal Book Review
Here’s my personal take:
What intrigued me most was the seamless fusion of the personal and the procedural. This isn’t just an emotional recollection; it’s a fact-based case. The inclusion of specific dollar amounts, contract details, and email transcripts elevates it from a story to evidence.
The most significant insight I gained was a deeper understanding of how spiritual abuse functions. The “Umbrella of Protection” is a masterclass in psychological control, and seeing it dismantled through Jill’s experience was profoundly educational.
The writing style is effective and accessible. The collaboration with Craig Borlase has resulted in a narrative that is both deeply personal and structurally sound. The voice is consistently Jill’s, but the presentation is polished and clear.
The pacing is well-managed. The childhood chapters provide essential context, and the escalation of conflict feels natural and gripping. The sections on therapy and recovery provide a necessary and hopeful resolution.
My Verdict: Why should you read this book? Read it to understand the human cost of fundamentalism and unregulated reality TV. Read it as a testament to the power of therapy and boundary-setting. Read it if you are on your own journey of deconstruction or simply need a powerful story of a woman reclaiming her narrative. It is brave, necessary, and ultimately, hopeful.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐✰ (4.5/5)
About the Authors

Jill Duggar Dillard is best known as the fourth child of the Duggar family, featured on TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On. Prior to this memoir, she co-authored the book Growing Up Duggar with her sisters. Her expertise is born from a lifetime of lived experience within the IBLP and the reality television industry.
She is a certified professional midwife and a mother of three. Her motivation for writing Counting the Cost is deeply personal: to tell her truth, find healing, and offer solidarity to other victims of spiritual abuse and exploitation.

Derick Dillard, Jill’s husband and co-author, brought a crucial outside perspective to the story. With a background in accounting from Oklahoma State University and a law degree, his analytical skills were instrumental in uncovering the financial discrepancies and navigating the legal battles detailed in the book.
He now works as an attorney, focusing on victims’ rights, a career path directly influenced by the family’s fight for justice.
15 Top Quotes From Counting the Cost Book
“To those who have been harmed in the name of ‘religion.’ To those who have suffered behind closed doors and have yet to find their voice.”
“By disobeying their parents, they would be stepping out from under the umbrella of protection, and terrible things could happen.”
“The show—and by extension the entire Duggar family—was a vehicle for profit… for the company paying the bills, we were there to entertain.”
“So we’re basically slaves of TLC and your dad. Is that how it is?!”
“I wanted my daddy to stand up for me in that way… Would he have done something different if I’d spoken up?”
“This isn’t like you, Sweet Jilly Muffin. Is Derick behind this?”
“If you don’t come back for this filming thing… everyone is going to look at you and know that it’s your fault… Are you gonna be okay carrying that burden?”
“The total on Jill’s tax returns was $130,250… If you attack us, probably your inheritance will be lowered significantly.”
“You treat me worse than you treat my pedophile brother.”
✍️ A Relevant Summary You’ll Love:
“I didn’t want to be fake. I wanted to be real.”
“It was worth it to find freedom from the guilt and the fear. It was worth it to learn how to think for myself.”
“In time, whenever I would hear anyone talk about how that first decision to bring the TV cameras into our home was a window of opportunity, all I would think about was secrets and lies.”
“I didn’t want to cause young men to think impure thoughts, and I purposed to never defraud, not by the way I dressed, not by the way I acted.”
“I’ve always imagined myself having a ton of kids, but what would my life look like if I could only have two children?”
“It’s a mark of freedom, of self-respect, of dignity.”
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What is the summary of Counting the Cost?
Counting the Cost is Jill Duggar Dillard’s memoir detailing her life under the strict Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), her unpaid work on the family’s reality shows, and her journey with her husband, Derick, to break free from the financial and spiritual control of her father, Jim Bob Duggar. It’s a story about finding her voice, seeking therapy, and reclaiming her autonomy.
How many pages is Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar?
The print length of Counting the Cost is 288 pages. It is a substantial memoir that covers her childhood, the height of the family’s fame, and the subsequent fallout and healing process in significant detail.
Why did Jill leave Counting On?
Jill and Derick left Counting On in 2017 after a prolonged battle over contracts, compensation, and autonomy. They refused to sign a new agreement that would bind them to Jim Bob’s company indefinitely and chose to prioritize their mental health and family independence over continued participation in the show.
What is Jill Duggar’s book about?
Jill Duggar’s book is about the hidden costs of her family’s reality TV fame and fundamentalist beliefs. It exposes the financial exploitation where the children worked for free, the emotional control via IBLP teachings, and her courageous path to establishing boundaries and building a life on her own terms.
What is the best Counting the Cost review?
The best reviews are those that analyze the book’s dual focus on spiritual abuse and media exploitation. This Counting the Cost summary and review highlights its strengths as a brave, evidence-based account that is both a personal story and a critical exposé, making it invaluable for survivors and critics alike.
How does Jill’s book compare to Jinger Duggar’s?
While both sisters have written books critiquing aspects of their IBLP upbringing, Jinger’s Becoming Free Indeed focuses more narrowly on theological deconstruction. Jill’s Counting the Cost provides a much broader and more personal account, including the reality TV dynamics, detailed family conflicts, and financial battles.
What is Jill Duggar’s net worth today?
The book does not disclose their current net worth. However, it details their financial struggle after leaving the show and their eventual legal settlement of $175,000 from the family company, which was used to pay back taxes and legal fees, providing a fresh start.
What is Jill Duggar doing today?
Today, Jill Duggar lives in Arkansas with her husband, Derick, and their three sons. Derick works as an attorney, and Jill focuses on her family. They have established a life based on their own convictions, which includes public school for their children and a faith separate from the IBLP.
What is the “Counting the Cost” scripture?
The title comes from Luke 14:28: “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?” Jill uses this to frame her story as a conscious calculation of the immense personal cost of leaving her family system to build a new, authentic life.
Where can I buy Jill Duggar’s book?
Counting the Cost is widely available for purchase at major retailers like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and independent bookstores, both in hardcover and as an ebook and audiobook.
Conclusion
Jill Duggar Dillard, with Derick’s steadfast support, has delivered a work of immense courage and clarity. The key takeaways are profound: the mechanisms of spiritual abuse are often hidden in plain sight, the pursuit of authenticity requires immense sacrifice, and healing is not only possible but achievable through professional help and firm boundaries.
This book is essential reading for survivors of similar systems, for critics of the reality TV industry, and for anyone who believes in the power of an individual to reclaim their own story. The cost was high, but as Jill proves, a life of freedom and self-respect is worth it all.
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