Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead Summary: A Raw Grief Journey
TL;DR: A Quick Snapshot for Busy Readers
Cleo Dang, a 35-year-old senior actuarial analyst in Toronto, has just lost her newborn daughter, Daisy, to birth asphyxia.
At the funeral, surrounded by white daisies and hollow platitudes, Cleo feels her carefully controlled life shatter. Her best friend Paloma, who gave birth to a healthy boy the same day, lives directly across the street.
Mai Nguyen’s novel, Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead, follows Cleo as she retreats into bed-rotting, invasive thoughts, and an impulsive decision to work at a funeral home.
The story is a darkly comedic and visceral look at grief, friendship, and the physical aftermath of loss.
- Genre: Contemporary fiction / grief comedy-drama
- Core themes: Perinatal loss, maternal envy, friendship, and the Vietnamese concept of chia buồn (dividing the sadness)
- Tone: Visceral, irreverent, and emotionally candid
- Ending: No spoilers here, but the story moves toward integration and a second chance at motherhood
Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead Summary (Spoilers Ahead)
The novel opens at the funeral of Daisy Dang Hayashi, the newborn daughter of Cleo Dang and her husband Ethan. Daisy died from hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy after days on a ventilator.
Cleo stands beside a small oak casket, bleeding heavily and struggling with engorged breasts. She is furious at the empty platitudes from mourners.
Cleo’s best friend Paloma, who lives across the street, gave birth to a healthy boy, Jude, the same day Daisy died.
After the service, Cleo sinks into severe depression. She repeatedly says she would rather be dead. Ethan copes by working 50-to-60-hour hospital weeks and running relentlessly. Paloma tries to help, but her presence triggers intense envy in Cleo.
Cleo attempts to return early to her actuarial job but suffers from “grief brain.” After overhearing coworkers gossip about her, she pours cold coffee over a keyboard. Her boss, Shane Yao, places her on mandatory administrative leave.
Desperate for distraction, Cleo secretly takes a job as an assistant at Monarch Funeral Homes, the same mortuary that handled Daisy’s service.
Kenneth Timmerman, the eccentric director, hires her because he sees her empathy. Cleo hides the job from her family. At Monarch, she works with Rachel, Ana, and others. Her behavior becomes increasingly erratic. She attends a baby shower, wins a snake plant she names “Keanu Leaves,” and suffers a panic attack when a friend’s baby kicks.
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Cleo begins secretly breaking into Paloma’s house while Paloma and her husband Freddie are away. Inside the nursery, she rocks a plush dumpling toy against her bare breast, folds baby clothes, and reads Paloma’s private diary.
She visits her OB/GYN, Dr. Posey, who diagnoses her with Prolonged Grief Disorder and prescribes various drugs. Cleo hoards pills and mini vodka bottles in her bag.
During a toddler’s birthday party, Paloma discovers the stash in Cleo’s bag. They argue bitterly. Cleo says, “Babies don’t replace babies.” Later, Cleo breaks into Paloma’s house again and takes an expired pregnancy test. It shows a faint positive: she is pregnant again.
Paloma catches Cleo in the bathroom with the test. Cleo breaks down, confessing the break-ins, her envy, and her agony over Jude. Paloma holds her on the nursery floor and expresses her own guilt for being happy while Cleo suffered.
When Cleo returns home, Ethan has found her secret journal—dozens of alternate-reality entries about Daisy’s first year. He confronts her, and she smashes a vase.
Ethan drives Cleo to a cliff overlooking a lake. They finally lay bare their rawest feelings. Ethan admits he moved on too quickly and feared forgetting Daisy.
Cleo admits her fear of being hurt again. They decide to scatter Daisy’s ashes into the water to “show her the world.”
Kenneth visits Cleo and reveals his own secret: forty years ago, his infant son Teddy died of SIDS. He unlocks the wooden hutch at Monarch, showing her Teddy’s baby photo album. He explains that grief never truly leaves, but “love transcends flesh.” Teddy became his reason to live rather than his reason to die.
Encouraged by Ethan and Paloma, Cleo joins a weekly grief support group led by Bonnie Spoon. She learns about chia buồn, the Vietnamese concept of dividing the sadness. Cleo resigns from her actuarial job, cleanses her life of dangerous substances, and reconnects with her parents and friends.
In the epilogue, months later, Cleo goes into labor with her second child. At the hospital, she proudly acknowledges Daisy to the nurse.
A bouquet of gerbera daisies arrives from Kenneth and the Monarch staff. Paloma brings Cleo her plush “Dumpling.” Cleo gives birth to a healthy baby. She realizes Daisy will always be part of her, “swimming in my bones.”
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Characters In This Book
| Character | Role |
|---|---|
| Cleo Dang | The protagonist and narrator; a 35-year-old Vietnamese-Canadian senior actuarial analyst whose newborn daughter dies. |
| Ethan Hayashi | Cleo’s husband; a Japanese-Canadian anesthesiologist who copes through running and work. |
| Daisy Dang Hayashi | Cleo and Ethan’s firstborn daughter who dies days after birth from hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy. |
| Paloma | Cleo’s best friend since sixth grade; a Filipino-Canadian who gives birth to a healthy boy the same day Daisy dies. |
| Freddie | Paloma’s husband. |
| Jude | Paloma and Freddie’s healthy baby boy. |
| Kenneth Timmerman | The owner and director of Monarch Funeral Homes who lost his infant son forty years prior. |
| Má & Ba | Cleo’s Vietnamese immigrant parents who express love through food and cultural wisdom. |
| Rachel | A 23-year-old employee at Monarch Funeral Homes and former baker. |
| Ana | A mortician at Monarch Funeral Homes who handles deceased infants with reverence. |
| Shane Yao | Cleo’s boss at the insurance firm who places her on administrative leave. |
| Dr. Posey | Cleo’s eccentric OB/GYN who diagnoses her with Prolonged Grief Disorder. |
| Bonnie Spoon (“Spear”) | A grief counselor who leads a weekly support group for loss mothers. |
| Melody & Dolores | Actuarial coworkers whose gossip triggers Cleo’s outburst. |
| Farrah | The temporary hire covering Cleo’s maternity leave. |
| Sadie & Fatima | Longtime friends of Cleo and Paloma who undergo IVF. |
| Amina, Patricia, & Marta | Fellow loss mothers in Bonnie Spoon’s grief support group. |
| Maggie, Stuart, & Rebecca | Staff members at Monarch Funeral Homes. |
Beneath the Surface: What the Book Explores
| Theme | How the book presents it |
|---|---|
| Grief as a non-linear, permanent process | Cleo’s emotional states shift unpredictably. She eventually realizes grief is not something to “get over” but an ongoing dance alongside joy. |
| Perinatal loss and the stigma of “out-of-order” death | Acquaintances offer awkward platitudes. Baby shower interactions become unbearable. Loss parents feel profoundly isolated. |
| Female friendship, maternal envy, and guilt | Cleo envies Paloma’s living baby while Paloma battles survival guilt. Their lifelong bond strains under the weight of simultaneous birth and death. |
| Somatic and physical manifestations of trauma | Postpartum bleeding, milk engorgement, and hair loss continue after the infant is gone. Vietnamese cạo gió (coining) appears as a bodily practice. |
| Community and “dividing the sadness” (chia buồn) | Cleo’s mother explains the Vietnamese phrase. Kenneth’s mortuary philosophy and Bonnie Spoon’s support group show that loss cannot be survived alone. |
Books Like Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead
Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin — A darkly comedic, anxious narrator takes a job at a mortuary while navigating personal trauma.
Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner — Raw exploration of Asian-diasporic grief, maternal loss, and food as a vehicle for processing pain.
Sunshine Nails by Mai Nguyen — The author’s debut novel, offering a lighter, comedic look at Vietnamese-Canadian family dynamics in Toronto.
Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder — Examines the absurd, visceral physical realities of postpartum motherhood and female transformation.
The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan — Explores modern societal pressures around motherhood, maternal guilt, and systemic expectations.
Book Details & Tropes
- Genre & Subgenre: Contemporary Fiction / Domestic Drama / Grief Comedy-Drama / Asian-Canadian Literature
- Core Narrative Tropes: Out-of-order death / perinatal loss; mirror best friends (envy and guilt); unexpected workplace sanctuary (funeral home); second-chance pregnancy / rainbow baby; grief as a shared burden
- Tone & Atmosphere: Darkly comedic, raw, irreverent, claustrophobic, visceral, poignant, and emotionally candid
- Primary Conflict: Cleo vs. her crippling grief and suicidal ideation; Cleo vs. Paloma’s living baby; Cleo vs. Ethan’s coping mechanisms; Cleo vs. societal expectations to heal quickly
- Pacing Style: Character-driven, episodic, chronological narrative spanning approximately one year
- ISBN: 978-1668080870
- Pages: 288
- Book Structure: 39 numbered chapters, interspersed journal entries, an epilogue, a “Behind the Book” author’s note, and acknowledgments
Quotes from Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead
“The doctor warned me this might happen. That my brain might not be up to snuff after such a seismic loss and that I should not be put in charge of making big decisions, which I thought was an odd thing to say because isn’t that what we do when somebody we love dies—make big decisions one after the other, the biggest one of all being whether to keep on living?”
“There are no todays and tomorrows and yesterdays. There is just after.”
“Everybody thinks grief makes you a monster, but it’s my belief that grief makes you more human. It can be, in a way, a sort of gift.”
“Babies don’t replace babies.”
“It means to divide the sadness. It’s what we Vietnamese do. We all take a piece of the pain so that one person is not bearing the entire burden of grieving.”
“This fight between grief and joy was not a fight but, in fact, a dance. One didn’t need to vanish for the other to exist. They were a pair, inextricably linked, twirling in the most dizzying, twisted, reckless fashion.”
“To love anything is to jump on a speeding train to heartbreak.”
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